The Great F1 Movie Deception and Industry Greed
And you really thought they were making a movie about racing for the love of the sport, didn’t you? But the reality of F1: The Movie is far grittier and much more embarrassing for everyone involved because the sheer level of corporate sycophancy required to get those cars on screen has turned a supposed masterpiece into a two-hour commercial for luxury watches and overpriced energy drinks. Because I spent years covering the circuit and watching the paddock politics, I can tell you that what they call ‘sacrifice’ in the press releases is actually just a tax write-off for a bunch of billionaires who want to see their names in lights. And the way the lead actor pretends to understand a downforce coefficient is honestly the best acting performance he has given in a decade because we all know he couldn’t drive a golf cart through a parking lot without a stunt double. But the critics are eating it up anyway. Because they want to be invited to the after-parties in Monaco, they will tell you the cinematography is ‘visceral’ when it’s actually just shaky cam designed to hide the fact that the cars aren’t even going at race speed. And let’s not even talk about the budget. It is a disaster. Because they spent so much on the ‘authenticity’ of the engines, they forgot to hire a writer who could produce a line of dialogue that doesn’t sound like it was generated by a marketing firm in London. But you’ll go see it. Because the shiny trailers promised you a revolution. And you’ll leave feeling empty.
The 70 Film Humble Brag and Critic Delusion
And then we have the professional watchers who claim they sat through 70 films in a theater this year as if that is a badge of honor instead of a cry for help. But what they don’t tell you is that 65 of those movies were absolute trash that only got a release because some streaming service needed to fulfill a contractual obligation. Because these critics live in a bubble of free popcorn and validated parking, they lose sight of what an actual human being wants to watch on a Friday night. And the list of the ‘best’ movies they put out is always the same tired collection of political allegories that make you feel like you’re back in a university lecture you didn’t pay for. But they call it ‘essential viewing.’ Because they think if a movie is boring and filmed in grey tones, it must be profound. And the ‘spectacular’ moments they rave about are usually just CGI explosions that look like they were rendered on a laptop from 2012. Because the industry has run out of original ideas, they just recycle the same three plots and slap a ‘political’ label on it to make it seem relevant to the current climate. And we’re supposed to be impressed. But we aren’t.
Fighting Impregnating and the Death of Subtlety
And because 2025 decided that ‘weird’ is a substitute for ‘good,’ we got treated to the most bizarre movie moments in history including that one scene everyone is whispering about involving fighting and impregnation that honestly should have stayed in the fever dream of the director. But the ‘art’ crowd calls it a breakthrough. Because they are desperate for anything that isn’t a superhero sequel, they will celebrate a movie that makes absolutely no sense just to prove they are smarter than the average viewer. And the way they talk about ‘what kind of new world is being born’ in these films is just a fancy way of saying they have no idea what the plot was. Because if you ask them to explain the ending, they just start talking about ‘themes’ and ‘nuance.’ But nuance died a long time ago in Hollywood. And now we’re left with the spectacular mess of a year where the only thing being born is a new level of pretension. Because the movies our critics loved this year weren’t made for you. And they weren’t made for me. They were made for the people who want to feel important while sitting in the dark.
The Sacrifice of Authenticity for the Spectacular
And let’s circle back to that F1 nonsense because the ‘sacrifice’ mentioned in the early reviews is the most hilarious part of the whole charade. But what exactly was sacrificed? Because it certainly wasn’t the paychecks of the producers. And it wasn’t the comfort of the stars. Because the only thing sacrificed was the truth of the sport. And the way they frame the ‘political’ nature of the film as a bold choice is just a cover for the fact that the script is thinner than a racing tire. But the industry loves a narrative. Because a narrative sells tickets. And they will sell you the idea that this movie is a ‘new world’ for sports cinema. But it’s just the same old world with a faster car and a more expensive filter. Because at the end of the day, Hollywood doesn’t care about the race. And they don’t care about the fans. They care about the ‘Best Movie of 2025’ title that they can put on the DVD cover next year. But we know better. Because we’ve seen this play before. And it always ends with a whimper, not a roar. And the fact that we are even discussing these 70 films as if they are cultural milestones is the biggest joke of the century. Because most of them will be forgotten by 2026. And the ones that remain will only be remembered for how much money they lost. But the critics will keep writing. And the studios will keep lying. Because that is the only world they know how to build. And it’s a world that is running out of gas. Fast.
